Everyone is an artist, so do I

Have you ever think everyone is so cool, fancy and talented, but when you see yourself it's just so so human living who talentless? 

Well, that's me too! Don't worry you're not alone thinking about that. 

When I know someone writing what they thought and post it on socmed, it got viral and they become 'influencer' or when my close friend achieving the top of career and love live, didn't lie somehow I look into myself and starting to see me as a nobody.

This nobody who never try a things except what people told to her.

A little courage bring me to think otherwise. 

If everyone finally getting what they want, so.. what if I get that too?

I know there's a lot of talented girl, with multiple skill and expert too. But hey, I haven't show my best version of me, right?

And I hope,

Really hope,

a litte courage help yourself to get what you want.

When everyone is an artist, so do I.

The First Step Is Always the Hardest, At Least For Me

Everyone on instagram posting this: 

'New year, New me(ntal issue)'

and it's seems very commons to unlock new year with the new fear. Well, don't want to bring the gov news here (but of course the issues will very much carry weight in my future plan).

As someone who never planning something very well (you could said I'm pretty impulsive since jhs until now), in this year, in 2025 I'm planing to winning my parents heart again. This is very serious route I ever take. Because deep down I know, in this journey I must faced my own fear, opening my old wounds, and yeah being very vulnerable is something I dislike. Listen the keywords; I'm planning.

I do love planning, but maybe I just don't know how it works. So many things more likely done by power of God rather than my own plan. 

I have a plan to get married in my 28 year old, which is in this year if I'm not mistaken maybe in next year. And the big obstacle I dont want to get married because I feel terrible to have someone who will know the untangle threads between me and my parents. 

Remember, I never planning until the December 28th 2024, after some online class I had.

Tears fall, hand shaking, hard to breath. 

The wounds is open, and words by words I write on the paper. Trying to tell the truth to my self.

I don't want to be a victim, but on the paper, every piece of sad scene and dialogue, I put the blame for them.

The big reason behind this plan of course my age. Looking at my early 20s, I'm too busy fulfilling everyone's dream. Being a good daughter, a good friends, a good girlfriend for someone, a good grandchild, a good roomate, a good student for my sake of scholarship, and good good other things. Heaven knows I'm trying my best to be an excellent person at the time.

Not going to tell in this post how step by step I got a chance to more closer with my dad, but yeah it was hard. To take my first step making his morning coffee is hard. I'm scared of something will happen to me or my mother and it was suck. But in the end of the day I did it.

I already did it, with so many bismillah other prayer.

So I know if in the future I faced the hard things because it was my first step, with all my mother's prayers and my faith, everything will be fine...